Getting Back on My Feet

Setting Goals: Getting Back to 90°

Since 1973, I’ve walked on my toes. My goal with these surgeries was to get my feet flat to the floor again. One is down, and one is well on its way.

 

The Left Foot

The journey began in August 2008 with Dr. Thomas Lee. He performed four procedures—flattening the metatarsals, removing a bunion, straightening my toes, and fusing the big toe. In October, his associate, Dr. William DeCarbo (a "wizard" with external fixators), added a "halo" to the foot. After 73 days, it was removed. I can finally say, "I love my left foot!" After decades of walking like a ballerina, being flat-footed is a dream.

 

The Right Foot

On April 6, 2010, Dr. DeCarbo tackled the right foot at Grant Medical Center. Like the left, he flattened the metatarsals and applied a halo with eight wires securing my forefoot, heel, and ankle.

This photo was taken on May 5th, about a

month after my surgery. Looking at the steep

slant of the bottom U-ring now, I believe the

heel wires had already torn through the bone

— though I had no clue at the time.

 

Turning halo struts to straighten ankle

From April to May, my brother Rick turned the halo struts daily to gradually straighten the ankle. However, on May 24, X-rays revealed a setback: the heel wires had cut through the bone. Decades of "toe-walking" had made my heel bone porous (osteoporosis). Because the skin was also breaking down, the halo had to be removed a month early.

 

Slow recovery…

Recovery has been a challenge. I’ve dealt with necrotic skin and open wounds on my heel, requiring daily dressing changes from the wonderful nurses at Comprehensive Health Network. I recently managed a 90-foot walk to the kitchen—it took five minutes and left me exhausted—but I’m determined to improve before my next appointment on July 12.

This wide shot from June 9th shows the 

ankle at the desired 90° angle, though the

skin around the heel was torn during the

straightening process. Because we could

only use saline rather than soap for

cleaning, surgical debris is still visible.

The black areas are necrosis (dead tissue),

which Dr. DeCarbo will eventually need to

debride to allow new skin to grow.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

A view of the outside and sole of my right

foot, also taken on June 9th. The white residue

is debris left behind from the previous half-cast.

 

These wide and close-up views were taken

on June 17th, eight days after my previous

photos. While the improvement isn't visually

dramatic yet, Dr. DeCarbo is "very happy"

with the progress. I will continue daily dressing

changes through July 11th, just before my next

appointment at Orthopedic Foot and Ankle on

July 12th.

 

Dr. Do-Wacka-Do

I have a nickname for my surgeon. Dr. DeCarbo is a top-notch professional, but his "off-beat" sense of humor with his staff initially caught me off guard. After I gave him a "10" on a hospital survey, but mentioned his teasing of the staff, he joked to my transport team that I was the first person to get him "in trouble" since kindergarten!

 

I’ve since realized the office staff gives it right back to him. It turns out he's just as competitive as he is funny; I found his Facebook and Twitter pages and learned he’s been obsessed with an office "Fitness Challenge." I’ll have to find out if he won when I see him in July.

 

As the old Roger Miller song says, "Do-Wacka-Do"—he does things his own way, but I’m glad he’s the one getting me back on my feet!

Abby's 4th Show - January 28, 2005

I hadn't realized Abby filmed three videos in a row between late 2004 and early 2005. Seeing that five years passed before our next one on New Year’s Eve 2009 makes me wish I had recorded her more often. I’m now making it a point to film her at least twice a year.

 

From January 28, 2005, in a special two-part series, I proudly re-introduce my only niece: Abigail Lyn Bensman!

I also created a music video using still shots from the two-part series. It’s set to one of our favorite songs—"Walking on Sunshine" by Katrina and the Waves!

Abby's 3rd Show - December 2004

Abby was on Christmas break from kindergarten when we filmed this, which is why she was so excited to show off her handmade decorations. My friend and aide, Dianne, stayed after her shift to help us record so that Rick could be in the video too. The other recording Abby mentions in the clip is her school Christmas program, which her dad had filmed earlier.

Abby's 2nd Show - November 2004

Yikes—it’s been almost two months since my last post! I intended to write sooner, but I’ve been sidetracked by a major computer upgrade. I’m moving from Apple’s "Panther" OS to "Tiger." While newer versions like Leopard exist, Tiger is the best fit for my current software. I finally had to make the switch because YouTube no longer supports Panther, making videos painfully slow and out of sync.

 

On the brighter side, I have another video of my niece, Abby! This was her second "show" from November 2004, when she was just five. It’s wonderful to look back and see how much she’s grown. She’s been drawing since she could first hold a pencil, but she clearly has a natural knack for the camera, too. Maybe we have a future artist and actress on our hands!

 

The Very First Abby Show - October 2004

My niece Abby, who turns 11 this May, recently starred in "The Abby Show," which I posted here on January 16th. However, her true camera debut happened back in October 2004 when she was only five! I recently rediscovered that first recording on a backup DVD, and Abby and I decided it was too good not to share.

You’ll notice her moving around a bit—the camera viewer was actually mirrored, which made staying in the center of the frame a hilarious challenge for her. She is absolutely adorable in this, and I hope you enjoy "The Very First Abby Show."

 

 

Winter Wonderland

We woke up to a beautiful surprise this morning: a delicate layer of snow dusting the trees. While I’m not usually a fan of the winter cold, I can’t help but love the landscape when God adds such a breathtaking touch.

 

 

Across the street at St. Louis Catholic Church, the view was particularly stunning. My friend and caregiver, Dianne, was kind enough to snap this photo before the sun melted the magic away. It was the best of the bunch, and I wanted to share it with you. Enjoy the view—I certainly am!

The Old Fisherman

I really love inspirational stories and here is one that a friend emailed me. I also looked it up on Google and found it at another website. It was written by Mary Bartels Bray, reprinted from Guideposts, June 1965.

Our house was directly across the street from the clinic entrance of Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore. We lived downstairs and rented the upstairs rooms to out-patients at the clinic.

One summer evening as I was fixing supper, there was a knock at the door. I opened it to see a truly awful looking man. "Why, he's hardly taller than my eight-year-old," I thought as I stared at the stooped, shriveled body. But the appalling thing was his face ... lopsided from swelling, red and raw. Yet his voice was pleasant as he said, "Good evening. I've come to see if you've a room for just one night. I came for a treatment this morning from the eastern shore, and there's no bus 'til morning."

He told me he'd been hunting for a room since noon but with no success. No one seemed to have a room. "I guess it's my face ... I know it looks terrible, but my doctor says with a few more treatments..."

For a moment I hesitated, but his next words convinced me. "I could sleep in this rocking chair on the porch. My bus leaves early in the morning."

I told him we would find him a bed, but to rest on the porch. I went inside and finished getting supper. When we were ready, I asked the old man if he would join us. "No thank you. I have plenty." And he held up a brown paper bag.

When I had finished the dishes, I went out on the porch to talk with him for a few minutes. It didn't take long time to see that this old man had an over-sized heart crowded into that tiny body. He told me he fished for a living to support his daughter, her five children, and her husband, who was hopelessly crippled from a back injury.

He didn't tell it by way of complaint. In fact, every other sentence was preface with a thanks to God for a blessing. He was grateful that no pain accompanied his disease, which was apparently a form of skin cancer. He thanked God for giving him the strength to keep going.

At bedtime, we put a camp cot in the children's room for him. When I got up in the morning, the bed linens were neatly folded and the little man was out on the porch. He refused breakfast. But just before he left for his bus, haltingly, as if asking a great favor, he said, "Could I please come back and stay the next time I have a treatment? I won't put you out a bit. I can sleep fine in a chair."

He paused a moment and then added, "Your children made me feel at home. Grownups are bothered by my face, but children don't seem to mind."

I told him he was welcome to come again.

On his next trip he arrived a little after seven in the morning. As a gift, he brought a big fish and a quart of the largest oysters I had ever seen. He said he had shucked them that morning before he left so that they'd be nice and fresh. I knew his bus left at 4:00 a.m. and I wondered what time he had to get up in order to do this for us.

During the years he came to stay overnight with us, there was never a time that he did not bring us fish or oysters or vegetables from his garden. Other times we received packages in the mail, always by special delivery ... fish and oysters packed in a box with fresh young spinach or kale ... every leaf carefully washed. Knowing that he must walk three miles to mail these, and knowing how little money he had made the gifts doubly precious.

When I received these little remembrances, I often thought of a comment our next-door neighbor made after he left that first morning. "Did you keep that awful looking man last night? I turned him away! You can lose roomers by putting up such people!"

 
Maybe we did lose roomers once or twice. But oh! If only they could have known him, perhaps their illness' would have been easier to bear. I know our family will always be grateful to have known him. From him, we learned what it was to accept the bad without complaint and the good with gratitude to God.

 
Recently I was visiting a friend who has a greenhouse. As she showed me her flowers, we came to the most beautiful one of all ... a golden chrysanthemum, bursting with blooms. But to my great surprise, it was growing in an old dented, rusty bucket.

I thought to myself, "If this were my plant, I'd put it in the loveliest container I had!" My friend changed my mind.

"I ran short of pots," she explained," and knowing how beautiful this one would be, I thought it wouldn't mind starting out in this old pail. It's just for a little while, until I can put it out in the garden."

She must have wondered why I laughed so delightedly, but I was imagining such a scene in heaven. "Here's an especially beautiful one," God might have said when he came to the soul of the sweet old fisherman. "He won't mind starting in this small body."

All this happened long ago ... and now, in God's garden, how tall this lovely soul must stand.

 

"In God We Trust"

I occasionally receive emails that promise miracles in exchange for forwarding them to others. While I usually appreciate the uplifting content, the "chain letter" format is frustrating—and I know I’m not alone in that feeling. I’ve shared an inspirational message below, but I’ve removed the chain-mail ultimatum at the end.

Since our currency acknowledges God, it makes me wonder about those who want Him removed from schools and government. It seems contradictory to be so judgmental of faith while having no problem accepting money that bears His name.

“In God We Trust”

 

We’ve all heard that finding a penny brings good luck or a "message from an angel," but I recently encountered a different twist on that old story.

Years ago, my friend Arlene was nervous about spending the weekend with her husband’s wealthy employer. His lifestyle was pure extravagance—mansions, yachts, and fine dining. As they approached an exclusive restaurant one evening, the boss suddenly stopped to stare at the pavement. There, among some cigarette butts, lay a single, darkened penny. To Arlene’s surprise, the wealthy man reached down, picked it up, and pocketed it like a treasure.

Unable to contain her curiosity during dinner, Arlene asked if the coin was a rare collectible. The man smiled, pulled the penny out, and asked her to read the inscription.

 

"United States of America?" she ventured. "No, keep reading," he replied. "One cent?" "Further." "In God We Trust?"

 

"Exactly," he said. "To me, that coin is a message. It’s a reminder to stop and ask myself if I am truly trusting God in that moment. I pick it up as a prayer—a response to Him. I cherish it more than gold because it starts a conversation with my Creator. Fortunately for me, God is patient and pennies are plentiful!"

 

I found a penny myself today while I was caught up in worry. I saw those words, "In God We Trust," and had to laugh. I got the message. God is patient indeed.

Back to my personal blog…

Reading this story reminded me of a classic Irish blessing I’ve heard throughout my life. A quick search for a few key phrases led me right to it.

May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of his hand.

May God be with you and bless you:
May you see your children's children.
May you be poor in misfortune,
Rich in blessings.
May you know nothing but happiness
From this day forward.

May the road rise up to meet you
May the wind be always at your back
May the warm rays of sun fall upon your home
And may the hand of a friend always be near.

May green be the grass you walk on,
May blue be the skies above you,
May pure be the joys that surround you,
May true be the hearts that love you.

Mystery of the Lost Remote Control

If I had a dollar for every time I lost something, I’d be at least $500 richer. The frustration of a missing item is bad enough, but the real struggle is the mental "itch"—I simply can’t focus on anything else until the item is found.

 

Take our camcorder remote, for example. After three weeks of searching, I gave up and asked my brother, Russ—an eBay veteran—to "Buy It Now" for me. We hadn't used the camera in a year, and I suspected it might have been left at a family reunion. I figured it was a lost cause.

 

Naturally, two days after Russ bought the replacement, I had a "Eureka!" moment. I remembered a specific box from 2008, back when I was recovering from foot surgery. During my recovery, my office was moved into my bedroom, and my small desk items—including that remote—had been swept into a nursing home storage box during the move back.

My memory is funny that way. I can’t remember what I ate for lunch yesterday, but I can "rewind" a year to find a remote. It’s the same with names; I once spent an hour lying in bed reciting the alphabet just to remember my cousin's son, Adam.

 

Does your memory ever go on strike like that? Do you use the alphabet trick too? If so, welcome to the club!

The Abby Show

On December 31st, during Christmas vacation, my 10-year-old niece, Abby, came over and did a little performance in our living room. She wanted to do something for awhile, but with school and other family activities, this was the first chance we could find time to do it.

Abby created the ideas all on her own, and if I do say so myself, she did a really good job. The entire show was over 16 minutes, so I broke it down into three smaller shows for faster uploading. We used a Canon camcorder and I edited it with iMovie on my eMac.

The song for the opening credits includes one of Abby's favorites, Fireflies sung by Owl City. You can watch the music video here at YouTube.

The sponsors for Abby show were gifts which she received for Christmas and she wanted to share them with everyone. They include the Philips GoGear 4GB Vibe Mp3 Video Player, Project Runway Projector and the book, Diary of A Wimpy Kid by Jeff Kinney.

 

I hope you enjoy watching Abby's show as much as Abby, Rick and I enjoyed being a part of producing it.

Music Galore on YouTube

From Transistor Radios to YouTube

Looking back at the early 70s, I have such vivid memories of sitting with my transistor radio and a tape recorder, hovering over the 'record' button to catch my favorite songs. It’s funny to think about that now, when any song we want is available on YouTube in an instant!

 

Lately, I’ve found myself drawn to country music. I look for tracks that offer either an inspirational message or an upbeat tempo—and I’m especially happy when I find a song that brings both. 

 

To me, music is a gift that soothes the soul, providing a much-needed escape when life gets hectic. Since there are so many wonderful videos out there, I wanted to share a few of my personal favorites with you. If you’re looking to relax, I encourage you to look up your own favorites; the perfect song is always ready and waiting.

 

Faith Hill - A Baby Changes Everything

Mark Lowry - Mary Did You Know?

Martina McBride - Anyway

 

Randy Travis - Three Wooden Crosses

Lee Ann Womack - I Hope You Dance

 

 

Jimmy Wayne - I Love You This Much

 

 

Sara Evans - I Could Not Ask For More

 

 

Diamond Rio - I Believe

 

 

Shania Twain & Bryan White - From This Moment On

 

Josh Turner - Long Black Train

 

Sarah McLachlan - Angel

 

Rascal Flatts - My Wish

 

Faith Hill - Breathe

 

Billy Currington - That Changes Everything

 

 

Jessica Andrews - Who I Am

 

Alabama - Angels Among Us

 

 

Martina McBride - Blessed

 

Diamond Rio - One More Day

Jo Dee Messina - I'm Alright   Tim McGraw -  Live Like You Were Dying

 

God's Message is Powerful

A friend sent me an email with a website link to watch the following video: The Interview with GOD

The video features beautiful, soothing music, stunning nature photography, and powerful words that reflect God’s infinite wisdom.

Beyond the Video: A Transcript for Reflection

I dreamed I had an INTERVIEW WITH GOD.

“So you would like to interview me?” GOD asked.

“If you have the time,” I said.

God smiled. “My time is eternity… what questions do you have in mind for me?”

“What surprises you most about humankind?”

God answered…

“That they get bored with childhood, they rush to grow up, and then long to be children again.”

“That they lose their health to make money… and then lose their money to restore their health.”

“That by thinking anxiously about the future, they forget the present, such that they live in neither the present nor the future.“

“That they live as if they will never die and die as though they had never lived.”

GOD’S hand took mine and we were silent for awhile.

And then I asked, “As a parent, what are some of life’s lessons you want your children to learn?”

“To learn they cannot make anyone love them. All they can do is let themselves me loved.”

“To learn that it is not good to compare themselves to others.”

“To learn to forgive by practicing forgiveness.”

“To learn that it only takes a few seconds to open profound wounds in those they love, and it can take many years to heal them.”

“To learn that a rich person is not one who has the most, but is one who needs the least.”

“To learn that there are people who love them dearly, but simply do not yet know how to express or show their feelings.”

‘To learn that two people can look at the same thing and see it differently.”

“To learn that it is not enough that they forgive one another, but they must also forgive themselves.”

“Thank you for your time,” I said humbly. “Is there anything else you’d like your children to know?”

GOD smiled and said…

 

"Just know that I am here." 

 

"ALWAYS!"
  

Happy New Year!!!

I honestly have no idea where 2009 went. I didn't get nearly as much accomplished as I’d hoped, but I’m looking forward to a more productive 2010. My goal is to stick to these resolutions for longer than a week this time!

• Practice Optimism: I want to take life one day at a time instead of worrying about the future. 

• Beat Procrastination: I'll use to-do lists to stay organized and productive.

• Prioritize Movement: I’ll continue my morning bed exercises and stay active with walking. 

• Healthy Weight Gain: My goal is to reach 120 lbs by mid-March to prepare for my next surgery.

• Food Freedom: I’m officially moving past restrictive diets like Phase 1 and Alkaline. I’ve learned I can tolerate grains without flare-ups, and I’m ready to enjoy food again—healthy, organic, and even the occasional gluten treat. It’s time to eat as nature intended! 

• Gratitude: I’ll thank God daily for my life and express my deep appreciation to my family—especially my mom—and my friends for their tireless support during my hardest days. 

 

That covers the basics for now. Happy New Year!

First Real Snow of the Season

Watch Out for the Snowballs! 

Winter doesn't officially start until Monday, but we woke up to a four-inch blanket of wet snow this morning. It made shoveling a chore, but it’s perfect for snowmen or a fort. I imagine there are plenty of snowball fights happening out there—though getting hit with a wet one is a great excuse for some 'revenge' by dropping snow down a friend's coat!

 

A Necessary Saturday Reset

Unfortunately, a cold finally caught up with me last night. It started with a sore throat, and while that has passed, the sneezing has begun. I headed to bed early last night, simply worn out. I felt a bit guilty sleeping until 10:00 this morning, but since it’s Saturday, I figured the rest was necessary. I still managed an hour of stretching and exercises in bed before getting up to get my blood circulating for the day.

 

Digestion Problems = Weight Loss

When Eating Becomes a Battle

Gaining weight has been a constant struggle lately—not because of an eating disorder, but due to a bile duct issue that went undiagnosed for two years. The pain after every meal became so intense that eating simply wasn't enjoyable anymore. In July, a surgeon found my bile duct was dilated to six times its normal size and then strictured so they inserted a stent to help the bile flow.

 

Persistence Through the Pain

While the stent was removed in October 2009 after clogging, the discomfort has recently returned. I’m fighting to not let the pain stop me from eating, but it’s a battle. At 5’9”, my weight dropped to 101 lbs last January. People told me I looked 'too thin,' but few understood that the pain was the real barrier. I’ve managed to gain 7 pounds since then, and I'm taking it one day at a time. 

 

Thanks for visiting, and happy surfing!"

Dusting Off the Blog: What I’ve Been Up To

Long Overdue Update

It has been over a year since my last post—November 2008, to be exact. I’m 49 now; a year older, though perhaps not much wiser! While I’m notorious for breaking New Year’s resolutions, I’m going to try to post twice a month. You heard it here first.

 

No More Tip-Toeing Around

A lot has happened since I was last here, most notably reconstructive surgery on my left foot. After walking on my toes for over 30 years, being able to stand with my foot flat on the ground feels nothing short of amazing.

 

Why Surgery Couldn't Wait Any Longer

My foot had reached a breaking point; over three decades, the bones had shifted so significantly that I had to use sponges to keep my toes from curling and digging into my shoes. I relied on custom-made shoes for years, but eventually, the ulcerated calluses became too much to manage. I knew it was finally time for surgery.

 

Four Major Corrections, One New Foot

My first surgery on August 4, 2008, involved four major corrections: flattening the protruding bones on the bottom of my foot, inserting pins to straighten my four hammer toes, removing a bunion, and fusing my big toe. The fusion was the hardest part to adjust to; because my big toe was now in a permanent, fixed position, both my walking boot and my subsequent custom shoes required a special indentation to ensure the toe never bore any weight.

 

 

Bracing for Impact—That Never Came

The pins in my toes ranged from four to over six inches long. When it came time to remove them, Dr. Lee clipped the white, pearl-like tips and told me he was ready to pull. I braced myself, eyes squeezed shut, chanting 'Oh no, oh no' in anticipation of the pain. Ten seconds later, I opened my eyes to tell him I was ready for the next one, only to find he’d already finished pulling all of them out!

 

Not Your Average Angel's Halo

My second surgery on October 24, 2008, was less extensive but far more painful. After thirty years of walking 'plantar fixed' (on my toes), my foot was stuck at a -42° angle rather than a flat 90°. To correct this, I was fitted with an external fixator—a 'halo.' It was held in place by six wires through my bones and two heavy bolts in my heel and shin for stability.

 

 

Bracing for the Unknown

The day after the 'halo' was installed, my surgeon shared a sobering concern: because years of RA had made my heel bone porous, he feared the wires might rip through as we adjusted the struts to bring my foot to 90°. I was grateful for the hospital's pain management at that moment; it kept my anxiety at bay.

 

Confined but Moving Forward

For 73 days, I was confined to a bed or wheelchair, relying on Spirit Medical Transport for every appointment. The most intense period was the two weeks spent turning the struts. Even in millimeter increments, the torque was so strong that my brother could feel the strain as he helped me.

 

One Down, One to Go!

When the halo finally came off on January 5, 2009, the relief was immense. I am no longer a 'ballerina' on my left foot—I can walk flat-footed! I never realized how incredible it would be to feel my heel with every step. My surgeons, Dr. Lee and Dr. DeCarbo in Columbus, were phenomenal. Though the recovery was painful and slow, Dr. DeCarbo’s patience was right: I just needed time. Now, I’m doing 110% better than I ever imagined. My next step (pun intended!) is to have my right foot done this April so I can be flat-footed on both sides by year’s end.